Monday, February 28, 2011

Oscars...Starlets & Studs stumble on fashion circuit @ Kodak Theatre! Swank surprisingly feminine!

Horizontal line at flubber waist a no-no
(Virginia Madsen)

Quite a few of the fair sex alighted from sleek black limos purring at the curb on Hollywood Boulevard last night in dazzling cocktail frocks fashioned in blood-red, as their macho counterparts abandoned the peacock "look" in favor of chic black finely-cut silhouettes, and a daring fashionista-or-two took a gamble on stylish adventures which more-often-than-not came apart at the seams when the prying eyes of the paparazzi zeroed in.

In sum, the little Gold Statuette has - for the most part - taken a back seat to the fashion circuit as a rule, as savvy social-climbing starlets (and enterprising studs on their bejewelled pearly-white arms) turn out to best one-another in outfits that amount to a handful of misguided silken threads tossed over bodacious - sometimes bimbo-inspired - half-naked bods.

A chic understated look is preferable to moi, but some - like hefty Queen Latifa, for example - have tossed caution (and their considerable weight) to the wind with disastrous results.


The God-awful trend - riddled with one glaring faux pas after another - persisted on the red carpet at the 83rd Annual Oscar Award at the Kodak Theatre last evening.

Although one of the beaming hosts (Anne Hathaway) snapped up nods of approval for her pretty frothy frock - over-sized mamma's like Virginia Madsen - caused style icons to twitter on the sidelines:

"Gosh, if only the fat lady would sing! This fashion fiasco could call it a night!"

A gaggle of par-tay stalwarts sashayed down the gauntlet in get-ups - Michelle Williams and Reese Witherspoon, for starters - that flip-flopped.

Nicole Kidman was beaded, padded, and fit to be tried - by the fashion police - by golly!

Meanwhile, Helena Bonham Carter was strapping - and strapless - with scraggly "do" crowning the unsightly mixed-up mash.

On-the-other-hand, Marissa Tomei's virginal spring special was overly-designed with matronly fashion flourishes, that bogged her youthfulness down.

Gwyneth Paltrow was a sexy bombshell, alright - which left a nasty aftertaste, though - metallic as hell.

And - sigh - Melissa Leo was obviously sleep-walking in her poorly-fitting gown which appeared to be fashioned out of a bath-room curtain or two.

Annette Bening's slinky cocktail nightmare was inside-out with unsightly seams showing.

Halle Berry - known as "scary Berry" in divorce circles - was sparkly, however.

The town was a-buz in respect to sultry Mila Kunis, who tripped-the-light-fantastic in a showy-gown splashed up with nubile flesh, which hinted at naivety.

Hailee Steinfeld - in Royal Blue (wrinkled) fabric - was too darn matronly (if 'ya ask me!).

As to the dudes, well, James Franco couldn't hold a candle to Marilyn (or any dummy female impersonator stupid enough to try to capture her dazzling star persona on-stage-or-off).

Billy Crystal?

If the lapels on that tux were any wider, he'd take flight when the next gust of wind fluttered in, unexpectedly.

Nope not even the zesty vigor (or sexy appeal) of the great white hope - James Franco - was capable of  boosting up the boot-straps of a posse of fops, fellas!

For instance, Russell Brand's purply-hued suit - teamed with a clashing striped shirt and lifeless black tie - screamed out the obvious:

"Big bucks can't buy 'ya taste (or love, for that matter, either)."

If Billy Crystal's lapels were any wider, he would have blown away in the stratosphere next big gust of wind!

Christian Bale (winner of best supporting actor for The Fighter) was in the right corner when he elected to sport a chic black designer suit and dark tie.

But, poor grooming - and bold-faced efforts to attain a wild he-man persona - nixed the otherwise fashionably-attired effort.

Colin Firth, Zachary Levi, Justin Timberlake, Mark Buffalo, andGeoffrey Rush sported sporting black or dark grey tuxedos from popular designers such as Tom Ford or Gucci.
No wonder folks mentioned above either ended up on my Best or Worst Dressed list for 2010.

Need a reminder about "Who's Who" on the fashion victim list?

Post:  01/01/2011

Post: 12/29/2010

By the way, there were quite a few humorous moments during the CBS Broadcast, too.

Off-the-cuff humor - on the heels of live! stage disasters - included Hathaway's quick ad-lib about "folks needing a drink at home" - after she tripped over a best-actress-winner intro.

Meanwhile, critics compared James Franco's low-key style to that of a laid-back monologue for flicks like drug-themed comedies such as "Pineapple Express".

Did he ever actually say the word - "Dude" on air?

At times, Anne and James also poked fun at each other and the Network for their ratings-inspired folly.

"Anne, I must say you look so beautiful and so hip," Franco gushed at one point on stage.

"Thank you, James," Hathaway giggled,

"You look very appealing to a younger demographic, as well."

I expect that due to the overall dismal reaction to the Oscar extravaganza (yawn!) last night, that hosting duties will return to the predictable old farts next year.

See 'ya there!

Hillary Swank surprisingly feminine
(instead of so butch!)