Kirstie pretty beneath all the lard!
"Cheeky," roared Bruno Tonioli , as the studio audience hooted-and-hollered, and a dolled up Kirstie Alley struggled to catch her breath, after a pretty dazzling spin on the the dance floor last night at ABC TV Studios.
In fact, right up 'til the vote count, her "girls"continued to heave heavily from the strain of the high-spirited strenuous work-out she'd just performed to perfection (according to the excited Judges, that is).
On her much-ballyhooed "opening night" on "Dancing with the Stars", the former "Cheers" star (once-married to the "big one" Parker Stevenson") was ecstatic for having nabbed kudos from the cooing (normally-discerning) eagle-eyed adjudicators on the sidelines.
Unfortunately, the par-tay frock Ms. Alley tossed on accentuated the unsightly and the obese - um - obvious (to her frumpy detriment).
The body-fitting threads (cut high-on-the-leg and low-on-the-chest) cried out for the Fashion Police to storm the stage - spread-eagle the ballsy-bimbo-babe, cuff-her - and haul her off for a stint in flab rehab (to be sure!).
Kirstie's appearance was somewhat reminiscent of a sequined sausage (from my bird's eye in the wings).
Free-floating fabric would have been preferable to the "stuffed-in" (hanging-out?) look that - inevitably - failed to conceal a truckload of midnight munchies that had taken their toll on her once body-electric of starlet yesteryears.
To her credit, Ms. Alley elected to trot out in chic black, and avoided the perils of dreaded (God-awful) bold-patterns-extraordinaire (think mu mu) that hefty gals are inclined to don when they hunker down in search of a security blanket.
If Ms. Alley hires on a skilled fashion designer in coming weeks - a wizard sensitive to her special needs - the remainder of her stint on "Dancing with the Stars" may be worth tuning into.
Kirstie, I say a little prayer for you!