Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Dave Letterman...last words of Osama bin Laden! Brian Williams & a bit of levity welcome!

On the heels of a slew of screaming headlines - and a barrage of exclusive minute-by-minute alerts spewing out all the titillating details of the Osama bin Laden stealth shake-down which resulted in his death yesterday - the late-night talk show circuit has responded to the call.


Just maybe, a bit of levity is what a healing Nation needs right now to lighten up!

Trust Dave Letterman to dive it and take a shot.

Tonight - with Brian Williams standing in the wings - the toothy stand-up comic offered up a hilarious top ten list which speculated on what Osama bin Laden's last words were before he bit the bullet big time.

There were quite a few zingers in the batch of quips which brought the house down
My faves?

*My horoscope says big surprises are in store

*See, this is why I normally don't answer the door

*The one time I give my bodyguards a day off to go to the zoo

*I hear Williams is on Dave Letterman to discuss my imminent demise

*I'm not sure I want to live in a world where Fast Five is the #1 movie

*I need a house full of Navy Seals like I need a hole in the head

*Oh, crap
I was delighted when the quip about the news anchor's slated appearance on Dave Letterman tonight fell on my ears.
After all, I alerted my readers to that fact earlier this morning!

Does Dave peruse the Tattler?

Things got a little ugly when Mr. Williams alighted in the hot seat, though.

With a bit of ceremonious flare, the witty newsie rustled up front page headlines from two prominent U.S. dailies published today, which underscored that the fugitive terrorist was the scorn of the country still in the wake of his sad demise..

Obviously, in view of the screaming captions which read as follows
"Got Him."
"Rot in Hell."

The latter was one I featured in a post today at the Tattler

Was that the reason why my "hits" soared into the stratosphere over the past twenty-four hours

Yes, in addition to being a historical turning-point for America in the war against terrorism, my Osama news coverage catapulted me into the highest ratings bracket ever on the Internet since I first started up my humble blog on a Fox site ("On the Lot") about three years ago.

Once the kidding was aside, Dave probed Brian Williams about his role in the Osama scheme of things, though.

Allegedly, Mr. Williams was perched in his armchair on Sunday eve - like many Americans around the Nation - when he spied a message from a Senior White House Official on his blackberry.

Just as the well-respected newsman was about to respond to the text message, the telephone rang.

At this juncture, a sketchy account of the events unfolding at that hour was relayed to Williams, who immediately dashed upstairs to pack so that he could dart off to the studio to commence with a round of exhausting insightful news reports for his employer at a powerful network.

"My wife actually had the car in the driveway - with the engine running - pointed in the direction of the road to expedite my departure."

"That was the first time she didn't aim it in the direction of the house at you, I bet," Dave kidded.

The audience roared!

The domestic humor sat well with the audience.

By the way, the well-manicured newsman underscored that he was admonished not to tell anyone about the startling news story that was breaking about Osama bin Laden's unexpected demise at a staggering fast-pace.

I expect that with any other individual - loose lips would have sunk ships - in the 11th hour.

In a candid moment, Williams noted that he attended the roast for Donald Trump on the weekend, and that there was not even a hint from President Barack Obama's corner that anything was going down at that hour.

Talk about a poker face!

Sly devil!

When the conversation turned to Osama and revelations about his upscale digs just outside of the capitol of Pakistan (which I reported on earlier today) Williams actually cursed out loud!

"I was pissed," he lamented to all within earshot.
"Folks used to be consoled by the fact - that although Osama bin Laden was not captured - at least he was forced to endure untold humilities - hiding in caves, for instance - to avoid the long arm of the law," he reminded Dave, in so many words.

"But, no, apparently he was camped out in a million-dollar mansion with all the creature comforts," he hissed in disgust.

Did Mr. Williams take the position that the Pakistan Government - and its top-notch (!) security forces - were keenly aware of the fact that Osama bin Laden was in their midst?


"Yeah, that was kind of hinky," Dave half-scoffed half-joked in response.


The excuses of Pakistan officials didn't pass the smell test, in my estimation.
After noting some of the details - in respect to the specifics of the luxury Century 21 digs (as he put it) - Williams followed up with a sizzling assessment.

"We were built better," he stated matter-of-fact, as he beamed with pride over the outcome.

The studio audience applauded loudly and cheered wildly!

That Williams has a way with words, doesn't he?

"It was a thumb in our eyes for years (elusive Osama) - ever since President Bush vowed to hunt him down and nab him."

Surprisingly, Williams noted for the record, that he once travelled with the Navy Seal 6 team that pulled off the mission without a hitch above-and-beyond the call of duty.

"I was sworn to secrecy when I was hitching a ride to Baghdad.a few years ago."

The popular highly-rated anchorman characterized the real-time coverage of the ambush - watched closely by the awestruck President and solemn Mrs. Clinton - as "harrowing television".

Obviously, from the expressions on their faces, revealed on CNN news clips broadcast tonight world-wide.

Williams applauded President Obama for issuing a memo in the recent past, in which he instructed the CIA and the military, to give Osama bin Laden's capture a top priority.
Today, Barack Obama must have been strutting around the hill, with a big swinging dick hanging between his legs, eh?

Power is the most potent aphrodisiac.

When the topic turned to the specifics of the President's order, Williams begged off.
He confessed that he was not privy to the contents of the directive - and, in particular - was not aware of the details (whether or not the hush-hush document stipulated to capture or to kill bin Laden on sight, for instance).

However, he asserted that Osama bin Laden's "alleged" corpse (my words, not his) was treated with the utmost of respect..
The standard was high. The body was washed and wrapped in white linen. And, there was a member of the clergy present to officiate at the unceremonious dump into the sea.

But, Letterman's jokes about Osama being on the way to hell right about now, signalled that the sometimes goofy talk-show host was ignorant of at least one reality.

While some folks may think that a burial at sea - in this instant case was the best end scenario - I am reminded of an old Buddhist teaching about our existence on this mortal coil.
According to the great Masters - Buddha, for instance - in the end we are all just drops in the ocean in a spiritual sense!

Has the Government unwittingly immortalized the terrorist by casting him into the sea where he may become "one" with God?

In the aftermath, Williams speculated that branches of al qaeda still remain, to rise up and plague Americans in the future perhaps.

"Everything is in play," he summed up to a hushed audience.

On a humorous note, Dave congratulated Williams on his new toupee.

"Oh, it''s great. I swim in it. And, it is so lifelike, isn't it?"

Underneath surface appearances
Balding Dave was green with envy, just betcha.
He should invite Pop Diva Elton John on one night - to engage in a demonstration for his male audience - on the merits hair plugs.

Sir Elton may be able to coax Prince William along - which would be a ratings bonanza for Davey, no doubt!

Provided the segment did not broadcast on the night of a world series match!

News at 11!


Dave & Brian take potshots at terrorist corpse!